Ask your dad, who has all the worst jokes, where birds keep their cash. Loons, he’ll tell you, keep their loonies in river banks, while penguins stash their dollars in snow banks. Rare is the duck with a buck, because they’re dealing with so many bills. (Funny, right? No? Well, that’s why they call them dad jokes.) But maybe don’t ask your dad where to keep your cash, because he’ll probably say the chequing account at the bank. And here at Wealthsimple we’re proud to announce there’s now a way better place. We have created what will undoubtedly be hailed by all humans as the best savings and spending account in Canada. It works kind of like a high-interest savings account, and kind of like a no-fee chequing account, with 100% simplicity.

What’s it called? After months of work by our crack team of naming gurus, we decided on… Cash. As in money. As in the outlaw country singer. As in the thing you get out of bank machines that normally charge fees but won’t any more. It’s a whole new type of account (and will replace the heretofore named Wealthsimple Save accounts).

So what exactly is Wealthsimple Cash? First, it’s a way to earn interest on money you’re not investing; second, it means you can now spend money directly from your Wealthsimple account (that’s what you’ll be able to use that nifty-looking card for) without transferring it somewhere else first. But it’s way better than that. Why? Well there are a lot of reasons, and the list will grow as we roll out features.

Let’s start with what you’ll get right away:

0.9% interest. That’s what you’re going to earn on every dollar deposited in a Wealthsimple Cash account (and the money in what used to be called your Save account) It’s among the very best savings rates in Canada. And that’s the real rate, not a “teaser.” Remember that the average interest rate for Canadian chequing accounts is approximately zero percent.

No account fees. That’s the other banner percentage here. Unlike most chequing accounts, Wealthsimple Cash has no account minimums, maintenance fees, or any other devious schemes to separate you from your money.

No “minimum deposit period.” A deposit period is the term banks use to say that in order to get their high interest rate, you have to leave a whole bunch of your money alone for a period of months or years. If you have a term deposit account or a GIC, it’ll likely have a requirement like that.

Unlimited free transfers. Moving money from Wealthsimple Cash to outside accounts is easy.

Seamlessly integrated. Cash will be connected beautifully with your Wealthsimple Invest accounts on our sexy-by-financial-standards app.

And for the even more exciting part, here’s what’s coming very soon:

The (also sexy-by-financial-standards) Wealthsimple Cash Card. It’s made of tungsten, which is very heavy, very handsome and, we’ve been assured, is different than Kryptonite. Once it arrives in the coming months, you’ll be able to use it to buy anything imaginable and withdraw money from ATMs across Canada.

ATM fee reimbursements. We won't charge you to use your card at ATMs, and when someone else charges you to use your cash card at their ATM, we'll even reimburse that fee (up to a limit — don't go doing it 20 times a month!). The card can also be used for other off-label duties, such as all-in-one banjo pick and cupcake splitter, though regulations bar us from recommending splitting cupcakes into more than two parts.

Direct deposit. Now you can start earning interest the day you get paid — you can simply have your paycheque deposited right into your Wealthsimple Cash account.

Bill pay. This feature will make it easier to keep track of monthly payments and may even ensure your electricity stays on, because unlike some of us, it’ll never forget to pay on time.

Interac e-transfers. You’ll also be able to send money to friends, family, and the guy who details your car with just a few taps.

No foreign exchange transaction fees. Banks make big bucks with the fees you pay when you use your card to buy stuff in other countries. Not Wealthsimple. You’ll save enough on your trip to have a crème brûlée, baklava, or mochi on us.

Apple Pay and Google Pay compatible. Wealthsimple Cash will pair with your mobile wallet so you’ll be able to buy just about everything with the wave of your phone.

If that isn’t the best cash account you can imagine, send us a message. Maybe we’ll hire you to come up with new features. But until then:

Get Cash-ing